Nostalgia: real killer.

It’s funny how we rush things and want them to change in our own wills. And when everything else has changed already, we’d suddenly want them to get back to where they really belong. We’d wish so hard we could turn back time. What an irony.

            

                The fun-filled days jam-packed with happy nostalgia. They seem so endless. I had so much fun even at the beginning. I have to admit that. I had real friends. I can’t even deny the fact that I have already grew attached to that place. But something (I thought) was still not right. Something was still lacking. I was still on search. On search of something neither do I know.  Right then and there, I thought leaving was the best idea. I was in a search for greener pastures. I had a rush decision I have to admit that. And so, I have to leave the one place that I was dreaming to live… I never realized I so love the place until I left. I never realized the essence of being there. I never realized I just have to think harder. I never realized.

              

                Now all I have are memories. Hard and soft. I keep weeping. I thought I’d be happier if I’d leave. But no. I wasn’t. I was never. I was begging for one more chance. But life wasn’t that easy. You have to stand up for what you’ve decided. You have to deal with it unit it deals with you already. You have to live what you decided. PERIOD.

                Regrets are relentless. They are haunting. My mind had experienced a great battle. But I was too insubstantial for that. I became a one-day hero. ONE day only. After that? I was a crap. I was useless already. What my mind has made up was also rubbish. I keep cursing myself. But what can I still do? I am already far far away from my home away from home. I have lost so many things. I have lost so many people. I have lost so many chances and opportunities life had to offer. I know I have a lesson to determine here. But I don’t wanna think about it anymore. Now I’m bitter L